Monday, November 8, 2010

Wake me when it's not stupid anymore

It is time to go to sleep. I've run out of places to file stupid and brutal. As I wait to see the weather, I have to mute graphic descriptions of trial testimony, then the information finds me anyway. Today it feels as though the savages are winning, that ignorance in all its mutations will be king. From the blog writers I follow I know that pockets of imagination, insight and compassion exist. Will that be enough? I trust in the good outcome. But there are days when my heart aches in spite of my best intentions. I guess I was overdue.

21 comments:

Laoch of Chicago said...

Sometimes it is a good idea to renounce the newspapers and turn off the news. To focus on the near and dear is good medicine for the soul.

Artist and Geek said...

You need Bill Bryson on your comfort shelf. Brit travel writer describing in very playful witty articles what living in a "big country" is like.
I agree with Laoch, a weekend in nature, away from "the news", seems more real to me and gave me time back.

Vespersparrow said...

Marylinn, the news is a battering agent. People are dangerous and mad, out there and close to home. After reading every page of the Boston Globe since I was 12 years old, and wringing my hands, and feeling heartbroken and finally brutalized so that I was numb,I couldn't work. I wanted to spend the day howling. But of course that was useless. There are many ways to be in the world safely, productively, imaginatively. I don't have a TV and stopped reading newspapers altogether two years ago. I haven't got the stamina for the world. I need all my energy just to live and do my work. I felt guilty at first, and then I knew I had to protect myself. Awful but true. Take care.

RachelVB said...

This becomes the hardest part of creation: doubt, self-loathing, hanging yourself up by the rafters and watching all that is you spill out onto the floor and feel deep down that it's not good enough will never be good enough how could it be.
But the difference between the writers and the not writers is that you won't give up. I always say if it were easy everyone would do it. Everyone who's ever said I want to write or I've always wanted to write hits this place and gives up because they don't know the secret - giving up isn't an option. Not writing is like cutting off an arm, cutting out a lung. Even if you stop for a few days you'll inevitably come back to it. So keep going. Push though despite it. Sometimes these days hold everything we were searching for.
xo
Rachel

Robert the Skeptic said...

The stupidity of the masses is a weight upon me as well. Like you I find some solace in the blogs of others, like a few kindred spirits trying to hold hands in the dark... Very much like Carl Sagan's imagery.

Marylinn Kelly said...

First, I want to say to each of you how reassured I am by your comments. The thought that flew through my mind as I saw them here was, I love you guys.

Marylinn Kelly said...

Laoch - Placing the focus on our near and dear, the sane voices and kindred spirits we encounter, is what brings me back to center. I do need to edit the input.

Marylinn Kelly said...

Artist and Geek - There are moments, and fortunately they are only moments, when overload shouts down what I believe to be real and true. Your Bill Bryson does sound like an antidote, as do other traditional sources of comfort, the restorative powers of nature and beauty.

Marylinn Kelly said...

Melissa - Awareness of self-care's various aspects, such as stepping back from the sources of distress, is a lesson I seem to need reinforced. I find I am no longer able to bear conversations about what is terrible and wrong - we will not fix them by giving them more energy, which I, too, need to live and do my work. Last night I was overtaken by the need to howl and I am so grateful to all of you who could bear to listen and offer support.

Marylinn Kelly said...

Rachel - As challenging as it is to be a writer, even with no specific goal other than just to keep writing, it is that much harder when the needed energy is siphoned off to fret and fume about hopeless causes. One of the blessings, for the moment since I don't want to take it for granted, is that the writing goes on, even if I am flattened. I remind myself that, as you say, not writing is not an option. I do try and avoid the disheartening information that is poured upon us, but sometimes it hits its mark. We get up, we keep going.

Marylinn Kelly said...

Robert - The image of holding hands in the dark describes the feeling exactly. Having posted this, I had second, critical, thoughts but knew I would either be understood or I wouldn't and the sense of futility in the moment seemed to require a voice. I really do cling to a belief in a good outcome, though what that would look like may shift. I take such comfort from the community I have come to trust. It is reassuring not to be alone in my perception.

Artist and Geek said...

Marylinn-As to your occasional creative self-doubt aka growth spurts:
"Don't believe everything you think".
There is a well-written blog, your presence is known and felt.

Another favorite quote of mine, (yes, public disclosure I collect quotes).

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
(Albert Einstein)

I do hope that humanity will eventually realize that we're all in this together.

We love you too, Marylinn. I'm pretty certain that I'm not using this in the context of the royal "we". :)

Marylinn Kelly said...

Artist and Geek - That Einstein, huh? Collecting quotes provides us an endless source of wisdom, of encouragement. Discovering the eloquent ways in which others express our truths, some we may not have been aware of, is a treasure hunt. Thank you, as always, for your kindness and for being here. I will work with greater focus, not to believe everything I think. That's where the trouble starts.

Claire Beynon said...

Hear, hear, Artist and Geek.

Here, here, too.

Dear Marylinn, trusting the good outcome is the best we do? The more so when our hearts are aching. And ache they do - often, all four chambers at once.

Hearts, take heart? We are not alone.

Knowing this is affirmation indeed.

Artist and Geek said...

Well said, as always.

Unless hindered by time, life or EM interference, I'll be back.(Too Arnold).
I mean, I'll be back for a visit.

Donna B said...

Dr. Weil even says to take a media break and not read the newspapers or watch the news. Every now and again I have to. I am even considering canceling the newspaper. Hugs to you my dear one. Continue to be gentle with yourself. I check the weather on my email yahoo face page so I don't have to deal with the news. There is also a weather channel and that is all that is on there. Hugs to you...

grrl + dog said...

you may sleep forever then,

Right now, in my yoga practice I'm practicing just being.

it's really really hard.But apparently one of they payoffs about 'just being' is that the stupidity does not get to you any more.

I cant wait for that.

Marylinn Kelly said...

Claire - Oh, we are not alone and in that is much cause for gratitude. After that post, I needed to rethink - or refeel - a number of things, for I have no wish to be other than optimistic, content in this moment, as much a comfort to myself and others as I can. As a teenager, I was described as "overly responsive to my environment." Had they looked at the definition of writer, of artist? Be that as it may, I take heart from the hearts that surround me, that draw closer when our numbers are needed to renew strength. As always, xoxo

Marylinn Kelly said...

Artist and Geek - I am mindful of that EM interference, happy that I am not responsible for jetliners filled with people. Look forward to your visits. Arnold. Enough said.

Marylinn Kelly said...

Donna - I am certain that part of the human condition is to grieve with our fellows, but we reach a point at which it is counter-productive. And since none of us can hope to find the antidote for stupid, we need to be on our guard. There are ways, indeed, to find out what we need to know without putting our foot in the gator's mouth. I am taking care. xoxo back, and good to hear from you.

Marylinn Kelly said...

Denise - Being, a blissful state with whatever amount of purpose we wish to assign it, yet no carping demands and no internal scolding. I am so very grateful for such moments...time was, I didn't know they could exist. A place where even our own less than brilliant moments can't get to us...