Monday, January 27, 2014

Certainty may or may not come later

"Coffee" by Richard Diebenkorn.
For now, let's think about #9.  The #1 item is what we refer to at our house as "must be Tuesday."  Is there anything that is certain-certain?

Recently I used the word chaos about a state of disorder in our apartment.  My son recoiled, asked me not to use the word, at least not with strangers.  I think I'd said it twice, once to him, once to someone who was not a stranger.  What we perceive as chaos has the ability to upend us, creep us out, yet it is a natural state - it is the universe's version of order, right?

I have always loved the title of Madeleine L'Engle's book,  "A Swiftly Tilting Planet," simply for the affirmation it gives me for how I feel about, among other things, Earth.  We orbit, we travel through space and time and yet assume we are stuck, immobilized.  We are, as Diebenkorn mentions in #7, moved from our present position.  Any success or lack of it can become a stimulus for further moves.

In my state of less-than-extensive mobility, I sense new movement.  One of the forms it is taking is saying yes, not to everything, but to what would have been unlikely or impossible less than two months ago.  Something vibrant is afoot.  Oscar Wilde said, "The suspense is terrible.  I hope it will last."  I may keep thinking about Polyanna.


Anonymous said...

oh i love this. i have read all your posts starting from 2/2 until right here and then finally had to give in and comment. there should be a "hug" button. this is me reaching out to you because you reached me. chaos, well? years ago in my married life we had a rare visit with my best friend from school days. on her wall was a poster, something to do with creating out of chaos. i didn't understand it, but i KNEW i needed to go in that direction, away from the heavily controlled life that was my married life. it scared me. but it drew me. and now, years later, here i am: this list speaks to me. as you do. xo s

Marylinn Kelly said...

Sherry - Thank you. I will take this as a click of the hug button and send one back to you. When we realize that any sense of control is an illusion, and a poor choice at best, can chaos or something like it be far behind? We wither under that sort of control, that inflexibility. I don't believe the opposite is to go about wreaking havoc but rather acknowledging that we live by principles of uncertainty, to learn to allow the unfolding of ourselves, our organic processes and the appearance of disorder/chaos that often results. When chaos is what we have, no amount of doily-draping will cover it up. It is one of the tumbled-down towns we drive through on our way back to center. xo