They say there are things you never forget how to do no matter how long it's been. I was beginning to wonder if I'd lost my drawing mojo, untapped for more than a year - or so it seemed - after nearly two decades of designing rubber stamps. It had been that long since I'd drawn. It was a fumbling, discouraging start for I stepped away from what had always worked best. Instead of starting out with the Micron Pigma .005 and just going for it, I tried sketching in pencil. I am a chronic over-sketcher and my heart began to sink. Then I tried working with the pen on too-textured paper and color pencil and the results, in a word, stank. High anxiety. I found a different pad, a good heft to the paper but not too much texture on the back side. Pulled out pencils in colors that had never been used - Albrecht Durer from Faber Castell in light cadmium red, among others - pure heaven.
It may be that I, or most of us humans, are chronic amnesiacs and need to return again and again as though for the first time to what grips us most passionately. We need to fall in love anew, afresh, with what nourishes us at our very core. Winter sun on the sharpened point of an Albrecht Durer light cobalt turquoise was as pleasing as
cafe au lait sipped above a clear Mediterranean inlet. I am not hard to please.
No matter what or who has been left too long on the shelf or in the rain, return. Resume. You will find your path. What you need will be there. A self-proclaimed fool in countless survivable ways, I truly believe it is never too late for anything that really matters. Trust in mysterious ways.
8 comments:
Lovely insight, advice AND return. I am thrilled to see this and to know that you are finding your happy place again!!
Kristen - Thank you. Seeing a silly face emerge from my pen was, whew, a great relief. What I see in my imaginings does not always show up on paper. It is a very happy place. xo
This is encouraging. Perhaps I will sing again.
Kass - Oh, you must. For yourself, for all of us. Please. xo
... return. Resume. Yes! That's exactly how I felt while playing with plaster last week. It'd been weeks since I'd been in my studio and months that I has simply played for the tonic it is. Trusting in mysterious ways ... you'd think I'd remember after all these years!
Jen - Which is why we keep reminding each other. I have a suspicion that there is part of me which likes to play punishing parent, not a pretty thing to acknowledge. I'm glad you got back to your studio for the joy of it. Hands in plaster, yes! I remember the images in your post. xo
oh gosh, marylinn, you are such a spirit. i continue to call you the fairy godmother of us all.
these days, all i seem to be able to do that is creative is cook...but it makes me happy, and my people happy...
i'll take it. (altho would sure love to hear Kass sing...)
Susan - Thank you. Cooking is so creative, especially as your photos show you practicing it - your pies! It is also often peaceful, the chopping, peeling and it does make people very happy. I would love to hear Kass sing, too. xo
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