Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Notes to self
To live authentically, expressively, first, sit down. Clear the decks, clear your mind.
Many, many years ago there was a tv commercial for PanAm, which said, in part, "Leave the phone off the hook, teach the cat how to cook." Do those things. Come to know, without being obsessive about it, what matters. And what doesn't.
Complete, within reason, every possible task that cannot be postponed or ignored. Give yourself a time, and if not an hour or minute, then at least a date on which you will bring all of you to the table. Narrow the deadline down as finely as possible. Find the balance between flexible and determined.
Taking ourselves seriously can be a rugged assignment. Treating our dreams and possibilities like the rare blossoms they are means kicking other stuff to the curb. A certain sort of ruthlessness is stimulating, even when no one but us knows of its existence.
Don't put up with the shilly-shally, the dither, the general farting about for which you are almost famous. If you DON'T know, this moment, what to draw (or write), you soon will. Believe in that and the fact that you WILL be able to do it.
I no longer fool myself with notions of doing it all. That didn't work when I was young, or did work but to my detriment. Now each moment brings a choice, each minute is legal tender that can only be spent once. We can but make our best guess about how to use this fleeting resource. What I work at is practicing patience, acceptance of my imperfection and how I invest myself. Life is a bossy partner, it insists on leading when we dance. I simply try to keep up in reasonably good humor.
There are projects of varying sizes that I actually dream, or at least daydream about, trails my heart urges me to follow. Writing, drawing, painting, crafting, being. I do what I can. Too many measures of what might be called success exist to let ourselves be bullied by just one. Our first allegiance is to our own star, the following thereof. I offer this because it is essential that I believe it myself. We will not, we cannot do it wrong. Trust that. Just trust that.