Saturday, November 24, 2012

View from the side of the road



Can there be an introspection overdose?  It may be too many years of stillness, of seeking - not just for self but for larger truths - of assuming what vexed me were complex situations with complex solutions.  Today I'm not sure.  Today my obstacles seem to be resistance and fear.  Stubborn and frightened, no matter what the cause, there I am.  What DO I know?  That compassion without enabling might be a step toward deflating these hovering airships of inaction.

I really, really hate feeling stuck.  I am not necessarily wise enough to know the difference between stuck and marching in place, waiting for a cue from the bandleader.  I have outside resources, places to turn for a combination of words that could relieve this vapor lock, the balking engine that has me by the side of the road.  It feels as though so much time has been, if not lost then certainly spent stalled.  In another life, a Morgan Plus 4 would suffer vapor lock each autumn on the drive from LA to Yosemite.  The weather was always warm, we were often the last car in the caravan, sometimes able to limp into the rural, time-warp gas station for help, sometimes not. 

Modern cars, I'm guessing, don't have vapor locks.  Whatever new afflictions beset them, that particular problem seems to have been solved.  I, however, am an older model, much older.  Heat, high altitudes, and finicky working parts are elements of the big picture.  We always got under way again, always reached our destination, were cheered by the other drives who were, of course, waiting in the bar.

I have two choices:  find what there is to enjoy about this detour, this delay, or be angry and resistant, worried, fearful.  Aren't there just days when you wish someone would come and fix it, fix it all?  We can all have a good laugh over that.  Onward and upward.

10 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I wish that exactly, quite often, in fact. Enough!

Angella said...

now there's a wish! happy thanksgiving weekend, my friend.

susan t. landry said...

stuckness is not a welcome guest. but you could maybe move it to the back bedroom with the big draft from the broken window and the bad mattress and the yucky blanket made out of artificial fibers. stuckness might leave sooner than anticipated...

Jayne said...

Resistance and fear. Oh my what a twisted road--one I know too well. You know, old clunkers have their virtues, they can go a looong way. But when they balk, it's time for a tune up, for if left idling, or, entirely shut down, too long they'll develop a case of dry rot. So yes, clean the pistons, replenish the juices and turn over that engine--onward and upward!

Marylinn Kelly said...

Elizabeth - I believe we're allowed to wish for rescue, putting the pieces back together, as long as we don't expect it. Many things and states of being are wish-worthy. xo

Marylinn Kelly said...

Angella - Yes, a rather a large wish, but why not? In the meantime, creeping forward. I hope this has been a very glad weekend for you, too. Thank you. xo

Marylinn Kelly said...

Susan - I probably have made it much too comfortable, a nearly fatal flaw of mine. Good thinking. The room also has that untraceable, faintly sickening odor. xo

Marylinn Kelly said...

Jayne - Perhaps not roaring out of the shop, inching along, more like. I think of a lyric from THE MUSIC MAN..."that kind of gal ties knots no sailor ever knew." Not the same context but a similar outcome, like tripping over our shoelaces or, in my case, nothing, caught in the fishing lines of our own casting. xo

Timothy Cahill said...

Dear Marylinn, It has been a long time since I listened to Cat Stevens, but hearing him again brought back the old sensations of yearning and potential and belief in something bigger, something big. Then I was young and earnest and clueless on how to proceed. I'm not young anymore, and know now that being earnest is no substitute for doing the next indicated thing. I wrote that in big letters on my white board and it's helped often. We only have a general idea of our impact on others, on life. I know exactly what you mean about the vapor lock, but something tells me there is no vapor lock.

Marylinn Kelly said...

Timothy - If we are lucky, we have only a general idea of our impact. With less luck, we have no idea at all. Yet on we trundle. Being earnest must fall away for it requires so much energy, especially in relation to results. What I have come to know is that the next indicated thing is a great deal better than dithering. As is the way of things, I wish this Cat Stevens song was at least three times longer, but it is eloquent in its brevity. A lesson there, I imagine. Good to hear from you, thank you. xo