Saturday, November 24, 2012
View from the side of the road
Can there be an introspection overdose? It may be too many years of stillness, of seeking - not just for self but for larger truths - of assuming what vexed me were complex situations with complex solutions. Today I'm not sure. Today my obstacles seem to be resistance and fear. Stubborn and frightened, no matter what the cause, there I am. What DO I know? That compassion without enabling might be a step toward deflating these hovering airships of inaction.
I really, really hate feeling stuck. I am not necessarily wise enough to know the difference between stuck and marching in place, waiting for a cue from the bandleader. I have outside resources, places to turn for a combination of words that could relieve this vapor lock, the balking engine that has me by the side of the road. It feels as though so much time has been, if not lost then certainly spent stalled. In another life, a Morgan Plus 4 would suffer vapor lock each autumn on the drive from LA to Yosemite. The weather was always warm, we were often the last car in the caravan, sometimes able to limp into the rural, time-warp gas station for help, sometimes not.
Modern cars, I'm guessing, don't have vapor locks. Whatever new afflictions beset them, that particular problem seems to have been solved. I, however, am an older model, much older. Heat, high altitudes, and finicky working parts are elements of the big picture. We always got under way again, always reached our destination, were cheered by the other drives who were, of course, waiting in the bar.
I have two choices: find what there is to enjoy about this detour, this delay, or be angry and resistant, worried, fearful. Aren't there just days when you wish someone would come and fix it, fix it all? We can all have a good laugh over that. Onward and upward.