Quisling) I was evolving, moving forward, leaving old beliefs and patterns behind. Which I was, with a few searing exceptions.
Browsing through Anne Lamott's illustrated quotes this morning brought me to tears. In my unwritten (mostly) manifesto, one of the basic beliefs is that everything is process. Everything takes as long as it takes and that is often very, very long. It is the unfolding of an intricate origami piece to see how it was created. All is patience, patience generously drizzled with the tangy-sweet lemon glaze of love. Evolution is the teacher that causes us to fall in love with ourselves in spite of how unsuitable we think we are. A self-identified usual suspect.
So once again I am in the midst of process. As familiar as this terrain is, I hope I am not merely dragging myself around in a circle, covering the same ground again and again. I trust it is the spiral path described by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis in their book, The Courage to Heal. Though the view seems the same, we have actually reached another level.
A few weeks back I wrote about a sense of change. In a tribute to intuition and my willingness to pay it heed, it seems I was not mistaken. The newest increment of self-acceptance, enhanced self-care, attempting to usher shame to the exit and not for the first time for it is a stubborn lodger, and intensifying compassion for self and all it/I have experienced, finds me considerably older than I once was, more weary yet more optimistic. I have become better at quieting the fear-driven mind and linking arms with the love-centered heart and spirit. I can, I do, show up. Everything is process. Here we are again.
(In case this might interest you, I'll share the link to a recent podcast by an energy healer whose work I admire and trust. Her name is Jo Dunning. A long-time friend studied with her and introduced me to her work. In this program, she speaks of the difference between mind and intuition, of radical compassion, especially for self, and explains the way her energy is able to be transmitted even via electronic media, even replays. And she talks of finding our own way through our greatest difficulties, of not coming to a teacher as anything but an equal. I found it strengthening. We each have our unique journey. http://mywellnessrevolution.com/wow-joreplay/ The replay will, I believe, be available through this weekend.)