Friday, April 24, 2015

Secretly in love

I acknowledge that I am inclined to do romantic love badly.  We mistake it for things that are close or familiar in shape or size.  Love causes visual impairment.  A horse, seen at a distance in a field, ought not to be mistaken for a cow.  So much energy, way too much time are devoted to trying to make it, what we think is love, come out the way we want it to.  Doubt, suspicion, insecurity, jealousy, lack of control over the actions of the swoon-inducing other, fault-finding, impatience, under-developed compassion, estrangement from one's true self, spoiled and bratty demands and expectations, self-involvement, fragile ego, childhood issues, and general confusion turn what we like to think of as love into the war zone of disappointment we've created.

When we mistreat love we harm ourselves and any hope of the connection we believe we desire.  It takes a true veteran, of this lifetime or something previous, to maintain the balance of trust and surrender necessary for love to be anything but a dream and one's love object to be anything but the victim of an attempted hostage situation.  Mature, patient, accepting love is not often seen and because of that is frequently misunderstood by observers.  As with the rest of life, love requires being comfortable with what is not shown or said but simply known.  Simply applies to love in so many ways, chief among them acknowledging that love simply is.
 
For these reasons, and probably dozens more as yet unnamed, I took the above quote to heart.  There IS romance to being secretly in love, even as a two-way street, meaning secret to others but known to those involved.  There is the primitive fear of angering old gods by speaking aloud of something at once fragile and enduring, of diluting red passion to a watery shade of peach with too much talk.  Not all who love are shown a clear path of action for such does not always exist.  In a state of no apparent next move, we decide it must not be love because we can't see where it might go.  It doesn't have to become anything.  It is already there.

7 comments:

Erin in Morro Bay said...

But when "true love" does happen, it's magic. It's made the last 12 years of my life the best years of my life. But it took a lifetime to get there.
Erin

Marylinn Kelly said...

Erin - It feels like being thrown into a game for which we've never been taught the rules. Until we figure them out which is, yes, a lifetime job. Possibly nothing in life makes me happier that hearing of love finally found. xoxo

Elizabeth said...

Well, this is intriguing. I feel as if it was written just for me.

Marylinn Kelly said...

Elizabeth - Perhaps I sensed some reverberations, for the post had been lingering in draft form and insisted it was time to appear. It is written for you, and for me. Perhaps others will comment and tell us this is not the rare bird we think it is. I hope your secret brings you moments of peace and quite, non-ordinary joy. xo

Kass said...

Hmmmmm.......

Marylinn Kelly said...

Elizabeth - Part 2: Quiet, not quite. I cannot bear my own typos. Grrrrr

Marylinn Kelly said...

Kass - We are in "hmmmmmmm" territory. xo