Warming up

Artist: Jessie Wilcox Smith

In a much younger life, the thin and faded light of winter suited me.  I was not troubled by the cold, not that there was much to contend with in Southern California, at least not by standards set elsewhere.  A winter birthday, chances for rain and indoor days with a stack of Nancy Drew books or the materials to make Valentines brought me and the season together.  We had harmony.   My affection for shrinking daylight hours began around Halloween.  Even though after-school time was spent raking, raking, sweeping and raking, I communed with the bright leaves and the dimming sky.

Now I shiver as though my limbs would shatter if we dip below 40 degrees, and sometimes at higher temperatures.  I have lost all tolerance for any sort of cold, here in our uninsulated - isn't it always warm? - home.  My necessary layers allow me even less graceful movement than my usual cautious lurching; I am the child from film and fiction, sausaged and immobilized in a snowsuit.  Indoors.

With normal/average mobility, I could dance myself warm.  Or vacuum, dust, rearrange, sort or, dread, exercise.  The parts that move unwillingly when things are mild, balmy, become all the more reluctant when shivering.  I do not imagine it, the stiffening of knees and ankles when the weather map shows an encroaching front of low pressure.  We, our bodies and all other aspects of self, are one continually unfolding mystery.  Adaptive living is the assignment.  We learn to adjust, improvise, invent.

Today, in my imagination as in my dreams where I still move fluidly and stand without yelping, this would be my tempo.  To those of you in chilly climes, stay warm and grateful for appendages that flex and function.  I am grateful for what I am able to do.  But I sure would rather be dancing up a sweat.

The quality of being both, at the same time

duality [djuːˈælɪtɪ]

n pl -ties

1. the state or quality of being two or in two parts; dichotomy

2. (Physics / General Physics) Physics the principle that a wave-particle duality exists in microphysics in which wave theory and corpuscular theory are complementary. The propagation of electromagnetic radiation is analysed using wave theory but its interaction with matter is described in terms of photons. The condition of particles such as electrons, neutrons, and atoms is described in terms of de Broglie waves

3. (Mathematics) Geometry the interchangeability of the roles of the point and the plane in statements and theorems in projective geometry

 

Items 2 and 3 are beyond - let's say for now - my ability to process.  Item 1 seems to be the plinth from which my life rises.  When I wonder at my fatigue, I need to remember how much energy it takes to maintain balance.

It is too soon to know much beyond the fact that duality not only exists but has hired the caterers, picked the music and arranged the lighting.  I show up and hope I can find my place card.

This is not a new theme.  It has been shouting at me in its outdoor voice, growing more and more insistent, inescapable, for at least six months.  I hope the condition becomes less dizzying over time.  I more than half suspect this is the natural order of things.  It gets so little press because - then what?  

As my friend Patricia once said, "Hang on to your sunsuit straps."  We are in unknown territory.

 

Ray Bradbury, 1920-2012

There is too much that pretends to be news and what matters is swept aside by what doesn't.  On CBS Sunday Morning we were reminded that Ray Bradbury left us this year.  I can't but wonder, would we have landed exploration vehicles on Mars without his words and visions?  Would we have wanted to or dreamed that we might?

If you are feeling flat or lost or unconnected and have any of his books on your shelves, grab one and open it anywhere.  Or go to Google and find his quotes.  Let them fill you and tell you this life is a both-hands business, no shilly-shallying, no farting about.  We have to throw our arms around it, somehow calm its tentacles and shrill voice and befriend it for the impossible thing it is.  With grateful excess of passion for a man who had no use for lukewarm.

We are the miracle of force and matter making itself over into imagination and will. Incredible. The Life Force experimenting with forms. You for one. Me for another. The Universe has shouted itself alive. We are one of the shouts.
Ray Bradbury

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/ray_bradbury.html#I86x46Qmgzvo44VO.99

Gene Clark and Carla Olson

In his review for Amazon, Michael J. Shogi wrote, ""So Rebellious a Lover" is an album that comes along only a few times in a lifetime. It represents a true moment of inspiration for Gene Clark and Carla Olson. Clark was a founding member of The Byrds, whose career had been on the skids for several years when his manager suggested he team up with Olson, a little-known singer/musician/songwriter from the Textones. The resulting collaboration, "So Rebellious a Lover", is considered by some to be the genesis of the alt-country movement (along with Gram Parsons' two studio albums). If true, I can certainly understand the interest that this movement generated."  The CD is available here. 

The brief editorial review says, "A triumphant chapter in the career of this original member of the Byrds and cofounder of country rock-yet one with a tragic side. For this was the only album this duo made; they were working on a second when Gene died. This 1987 LP is full of emotional performances by Gene and Carla on The Drifter; Are We Still Making Love; Gypsy Rider , and more beautiful songs-plus five unreleased tracks!"   Two tracks, one performed live.


Because it really can't be all Ram Dass, all the time.  Consider yourselves fortunate.  I almost wrote about Musso and Frank's mushrooms on toast.

Today

Somewhere in space and time it will always be 1969.

Under the heading, Material from Other Sources, these words from Ram Dass:

"We're sitting under the tree of our thinking minds, wondering why we're not getting any sunshine!"

and

"Our culture has trained us to dismiss any experience that falls outside our rational, conceptual framework."

and

"Our task is to extricate ourselves from living exclusively in the world of form."

This is what seems to be calling or jabbing me with its pointy elbow:  we are being asked to transmute all of the above into something we can digest and to find peace with unknowing, to find peace, period, to be.   There THAT is again.  One thing which is not unknown: being Jackson Browne's "happy idiot" hasn't been a choice for a very long time.

No disrespect.  The opposite, in fact.  God, Geezer Rock makes me happy.

Being Suzy Bishop

For Wes Anderson fans, confirm your identity as one of his movie characters.  An amusing parlor game for Boxing Day. 

Kara Howard as Suzy Bishop in Wes Anderson's MOONRISE KINGDOM.

The choices offered as you follow the limbs of the family tree may be clear-cut or leave you feeling a bit ambivalent.  One of mine, "Does your family trust you?" had to be answered, "...some do, likely some don't."  We make our best guess.  Which means, I am Suzy Bishop.  This is Wes Anderson.  There are no truly undesirable characters.

Self-awareness, a actual knowing-without-prejudice of one's true self, is about as predictable as being able to say how many jelly beans are in the jar for the candy store contest.  Early models of chronic parental disappointment tend to set us up for continuing that low-hearted feeling when no one else is around to berate us.  Maybe I've had this thought before, maybe it comes fresh today, an ingenue of an image, optimistic and full of unconsidered possibility:  How can we be doing it wrong when there is no way to know the full measure of the assignment?

I believe we each have an assignment, which you have likely read here many times before.  I trust that with each go-round of me as I have thought me to be versus a me that is more accepting, more forgiving, less invested in how most of what I am doesn't match anything known or seen in the neighborhood, that I get closer to a true center.  That the process seems to require repeating over and over, but as a spiral not a circle, accounts for fatigue, occasional disbelief and the need to rest, frequently.  I am unable to stop asking questions.  I long for instruments, calibrations, that would help my study; all I have is intuition.  There is no proof.  For today, all evidence to the contrary, I will allow that I am fulfilling my destiny, bringing my unique gifts as was intended, being.  This is not an easy world in which to claim simply being as an occupation.  Being, and being Suzy Bishop.

Glad tidings

The envelope for Christmas cards I have not sent. Wishing you glad tidings of great joy. And extra portions of whatever you need and want the most.  Much love.

Kristen Power's new bird (with added Santa hat) from the newest supplement at rubbermoon.com