Choices

I have discovered my kryptonite.

Eating disorders, addictions, are no laughing matter.  Sometimes dark (no pun intended) humor helps us through.  Today I cannot be in the vicinity of Lindt Dark Chili chocolate.  I ought not be within grabbing distance of any sugar-and-chocolate based food but this is trouble on a whole new level.

If life is not to chafe or pinch or make our heads explode, it needs to be balanced.  I see it as a circumstance through which I must tread with mindfulness, caution and at a very slow pace.  As children, my siblings and I had to leave the house early on rainy days to avoid stepping on worms on the sidewalk on our way to school.  I'm still trying to sidestep crawly things.

At what I consider a somewhat advanced age, I am still trying to learn the art of living in peace with my body and mind, not punishing, shaming or bullying myself with unmeetable expectations, nor running amok with a tendency to gobble what is sweet on the tongue.

It may be that some of you do not see human existence as a mine field.  Were my mind unshakably quiet, I might not either.  That it IS quieter than it once was is a gift beyond price.  I suppose in this as in many other things, my motto is I Aspire.

One reaches a point when focusing upon failure can be seen clearly as the chump's game it has always been.  We are never going to get it all exactly right, unless we can embrace a highly personal yardstick by which to measure.  And even then, we will likely arrive at the tea with gum in our hair and a hem held in place with staples or tape.  It is to be hoped that we will enjoy ourselves in spite of that.

My wish is to have lab work numbers that cause my health care practitioner to note on the report that they are "acceptable."  My wish is to require less medication.  Additionally, my wish is for thoughts of beauty, of humor, of love, not fear.  Moderation, I can be peaceful with moderation.  Everything comes down to choices, what can we live with and what sends us screaming into the night.

I believe there are reasons why I am here, now, as myself, and that the same is true for you.  It is possible that what and how and where we are at this moment is exactly what the world is waiting for.  I work to hold onto that notion.  Stranger things have happened.